Self Care for Moms with Chronic Pain

Moms, grab these important tips for self care for chronic pain to make your health a priority so you can give your family your best.

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It’s easy to neglect your own self care as a mom. I know we’ve all done it, put our families first. Thinking that’s what “good moms” do.

But I learned the importance of self care in the hardest possible way. You see, I think it’s because I DIDN’T take care of myself as a first-time mom of a newborn (I ignored a sore throat that ended up being a strep infection), that my immune system triggered an attack against my joints.

An attack so relentless that 6 months later, I could barely walk or press the buckle of my baby’s car seat without crying in pain. An attack so relentless, that I’m dealing with the repercussions still today. That was 20 years ago when I was diagnosed with an autoimmune chronic illness and my journey with Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) began.

It’s taken a lot of trial and error to understand my body’s response to chronic illness but the biggest thing I’ve learned is that I MUST practice better self care. If I want to be able to keep up with my boys and be the mom and wife I want to be, I have to take care of myself.

If I don’t, my body attacks itself and I’m in worse shape and out of commission for days. And in my case, the joint damage done by RA is permanent. My joints can’t be fixed without surgery. I can’t take it back and it haunts me every time I get an infusion. That seemingly innocent mistake of not calling the doctor at the first sign of a sore throat, something I should have done if I had valued my own self care. 

So I’m glad that my friend Rachel from Smart Mom, Smart Ideas wanted to write this post on selfcare for moms with chronic pain. Because it is one I have wanted to write myself.

Because moms tend to put their families first.

Because with chronic illness or chronic pain, you can’t afford to ignore your body’s triggers or warning signs.

Because moms need to give themselves the grace and understanding that they give to others.

Because moms NEED better self-care and we deserve it.

Please welcome Rachel to Mom’s Small Victories and leave us comments and let us know how you practice self-care and why you need it. 

Self-Care for Moms with Chronic Pain

By Rachel from Smart Mom, Smart Ideas

When you are a busy mom, a day with pain from a headache makes your life miserable. But when you have chronic pain, getting through the basics of a day can be challenging if not overwhelming. While there may not be one perfect way to manage your pain, self-care for moms may help lessen and make your pain more manageable.

Note: this post is based on my personal experience and is not medical advice, nor should it be used in place of medical advice. Medical questions and treatments should always be discussed with your doctor.

I suffer from chronic migraine headaches. I remember getting painful headaches since I was a teenager. I really don’t remember a time when I didn’t get headaches. In my mid-twenties, the headaches became so unbearable and frequent, I almost could not function. This is when I began searching for a specialized headache doctor and treatments to reduce and manage my pain.

Fortunately for the last few years, with the help the help of a specialized doctor, the right medicine, minerals and self-care I have been able to manage my headaches much better than when I was younger. Here are some ways you can use self-care to help manage your pain.


Why Self-Care for Moms to Manage Pain?

Pain is often made worse by triggers like stress and overwhelm. As moms, a normal day can involve stress and overwhelm before 8:00 am (anyone else have 3 kids that don’t like getting up in the mornings or then all try to tell you something different at the same time!). With my migraine headaches, some triggers I have include weather changes and stress. When stress is a trigger that increases your pain, self-care may be beneficial in helping you learn to reduce or control your pain.

Self-care is a simple way for moms to take a time-out. By adding a short break in your day that allows you to relax and be actively involved in an activity you love, you allow your body to recharge and release positive feelings. Research in cognitive behavioral therapy suggests that changing your perception of your pain to be more positive can make a difference in managing your pain. Without getting into a deep scientific discussion, this gives us a basis for why self-care helps manage our pain too.

I have found that stress is a primary trigger that increases my pain. On days when I become too stressed, my headache pain usually increases too. One way I can reduce my pain is through self-care.

If stress is a trigger for your pain, then you might benefit from practicing self-care to help you relax and change your negative and stressed feelings into positive feelings. The more you are able to stay positive and reduce stress and negative feelings, the more you might be able to reduce your pain.

 [bctt tweet=”How self-care reduces stress and manages #chronicpain. Guest post by @smartmomideas” username=”momsvictories”]

Who Should Use Self-Care?

All moms can benefit by adding a routine for self-care into your day, even if you don’t have a chronic illness. A daily self-care routine can help you stay positive, yell less, and have fewer angry outbursts from frustration to name a few positive benefits for all moms.

But those of us with a chronic illness may find additional benefits by reducing our stress levels and pain triggers. Many times managing pain triggers whether they are food or stress or some other trigger is the key to managing and reducing chronic pain.

When pain is triggered or increased by stress, simple techniques to reduce your stress might also provide some relief from your pain. Just as your pain increases with more stress, your pain might also be decreased when the stress is reduced or removed.


Self-Care Ideas to Manage Pain

Moms can practice self-care in many different ways. When you choose your favorite self-care activities, I suggest considering 2 things. First, do you enjoy the activity? Second, will the activity help you relax and reduce stress in your day?

Here are some ideas for self-care you might enjoy:

  • Your favorite hobby (taking time for an activity you enjoy is perfect for self-care)
  • A favorite meal (enjoying a favorite meal may provide positive feelings)
  • Quiet time to read books
  • Journaling (learn how to use a bullet journal for self-care)
  • Hand lettering and creative activities (try these ideas for using hand lettering as self-care)
  • Hot bubble bath (and reading your favorite book)
  • Enjoying the sunrise with a cup of hot tea or coffee
  • Any activity you find enjoyable that’s a break from your normal routine and allows you to relax (even for just 15 minutes)
  • Peaceful rest with soothing music
  • 25 self-care ideas free printable

On the days when my pain seems the worst, just sitting quietly for 10-15 minutes with no interruptions and concentrating on being relaxed can make a big difference.

Also, consider when is the best time for your mom self-care. Would it be more beneficial in the morning or early in the day before you get too stressed (perhaps you will not get stressed)? Or would it be more helpful later in the day when you are getting stressed and help you calm down?

For me, I usually have more time for self-care later in the day and I also find I benefit more from the relaxation to help lessen my stress and pain at the end of the day. On the days when my headaches are challenging, adding self-care definitely makes a difference in managing my pain.

Self-care may not be the magic solution that will eliminate all your pain. But with practice, self-care is one more tool to help you manage, control and reduce your pain over time. In addition to managing your pain with self-care, you may find self-care helps you yell less, have less anger, and control your temper too.

Would you like more ideas for self-care? Request a free printable of 25 Self-Care Ideas for Moms.

Special thanks to Tanya for allowing me to share on her blog today. I hope this information on self-care has been beneficial to you.

What is your favorite self-care activity? Does self-care help you relax and reduce pain?

About Rachel

Rachel Newcomb blogs at Smart Mom Smart IdeasSmart Mom Resource library which includes free printable meal planners, goal setting worksheets, an inspiring coloring book and more.

You can also find Rachel on Pinterest | Facebook | Twitter

I’m amazed sometimes when I read stories like Rachel’s, how similar chronic illnesses can be. Though Rachel deals with chronic migraines and I deal with chronic pain in my joints, there is the similarity that weather changes and stress make our pain and symptoms flare. I think that’s why it’s important for people with chronic illness to share their experiences, so we can learn and help one another in any way we can endure and thrive with these conditions. 

I love all of Rachel’s ideas on practicing self care for chronic pain. In fact, my go to self-care and flare coping mechanism is to taking a break from reality and escaping into a great book. You could say that my RA helped me find my passion for planning and productivity so I can budget and manage my energy well so I can be the best version of myself for me and my family. It also drives me passion to write and for this blog where I can hope to inspire and encourage others like me from what I’ve learned.  

Here is my short list of self care ideas to basically distract my mind from the physical pain:

My introverted self becomes even more introverted when I’m in pain. Most surprising to me is that planning actually helps me when I’m in pain. I think it is because putting order to my mind when I can’t fix my physical pain is strangely comforting to me. Planning also gives me something to look forward to when the pain passes, to plan and work for that life I’ve dreamed of, to turn my dreams into reality. 

How to get family to understand chronic pain

This is a tough question I get all the time and I wish I had a magic answer for it. I’ve had this chronic illness for 20 years and though my family is supportive, we have been through lots of talking/explaining to help them understand how I feel physically and emotionally.

Here are some ideas of how to get your family to understand chronic pain:

  • I think the first step before you can get your family to understand is for you to understand your body first. Here are 5 steps I took to understand my chronic illness. What causes your flare ups? What do you need when you are having a flare up?
  • Read the spoon theory article by a Lupus patient, Christine Miserandino. Chronic illness patients are often referred to as “spoonies” and this article is why. It explains what many chronic illness patients feel, that we are limited by our spoons and our body any given day. Think about how different factors impact your spoon inventory each day and how your spoons are spent. Which tasks drain your energy? Be sure to communicate the spoon theory to your loved ones, what kind of spoon inventory you’re working with each day and how many spoons certain tasks take.
  • Read Finding a New Normal: Living your Best Life with Chronic Illness by Suzan Jackson. It’s a relatively short read but it is centered on finding the joy in everyday. I think it would be a good book to read with your family if they are willing to give them a better understanding too of what you may be going through.
  • Keep a journal to help you process your feelings so you can better communicate with your family how you feel and why.
  • With Rheumatoid Arthritis, I’ve learned that when a thunderstorm/rain event/tornado/hurricane is approaching, it feels like I am wrapped in an invisible weighted blanket. Every joint feels heavier, stiffer and more difficult to move, sometimes I can’t even get off the couch/bed. I told my husband this and since he has a weighted blanket, it helped him visualize and empathize with how that feels. Try to find a way of explaining to your family what it feels like in a way they can understand. Buy a weighted blanket or whatever will help them feel it if you need to.
  • Lastly, but most importantly, when people ask you are, don’t say “i’m fine” if you’re not. Be honest, don’t discount or dismiss your pain. Tell them on a scale of 1 to 10 what your pain level is at.

Thoughtful Gift Ideas for Moms in Chronic Pain

I know we’d all like to help people when they are in pain. I’ve come up with some gift ideas for busy moms and moms in chronic pain, thoughtful and practical to help alleviate or distract from pain or stress if even just for a moment.

I hope you learned how important self-care is, especially if you’re a mom with chronic pain. Self-care can help you reduce stress and manage the pain you feel so you can go back to being the mom you want to be for your kids. 

If you need help understanding your chronic pain and possible triggers, subscribe to my newsletter and get this free Food and Symptom Printable and other free printables to help you take charge of your health.

Struggling to understand why your chronic illness is flaring? Subscribe to my newsletter to get tips for coping and thriving with the physical and emotional challenges that come with a chronic illness and get my FREE Food and Symptom printable to track how food, water, sleep and weather impact your symptoms to that you can start feeling better sooner!



How Self Care Can Help Manage Pain for Moms with Chronic Illness. Image shows woman sitting and writing in a journal with a cup of tea beside her.


  1. I remember a post from a care giving app years ago talking about why they have you put your oxygen mask on before you put it on a child or someone who your are responsible for who can’t do it for themselves. The goal is to make sure you are strong enough to make sure the child/person to care for that person and don’t fail because you are oxygen deprived. She reminded us that is how we have to remember to treat ourselves when caring for a sick family member. It helped me at the time to remember to take time to recharge.

    Meditation apps can help to get your body to relax and unwind in a remarkably short period of time. Its amazing how it helps reduce daily stress, etc.

  2. I like these ideas. Self-care is so vital. I tend to forget to take time out for more than I should. I swear my husband forced me to go riding on my four-wheeler today just to ensure I had time for something I loved doing. Yet, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I usually do, but it did help.

    1. Thanks for stopping by, Crystal. I’m glad your husband made you do something you love doing. When I used a simplified planner, it had on every Sunday to “fill your tank”. I was in a good habit to make time for things I enjoyed each Sunday night which was doing a jigsaw puzzle while listening to an audio book (and no cooking or chores) but I got out of the habit when I switched planners. I think the more I do it, the easier it becomes and the more I enjoyed it too, after I got over that initial guilt of taking time off for me. I need to do better about it and I hope you will too 🙂

  3. I really appreciate your post about self care. It is very important and sometimes we feel guilty for taking a few minutes to ourselves. There is nothing wrong with taking care of ourselves so we can be the best moms we want to be. I suffer from chronic migraines as well which developed 4 years ago when I gave birth to my 2nd daughter and they found out I had a big blood clot in my brain. I couldn’t even hold my baby after having her. I also don’t remember much which makes me sad. I have tried everything and need to be more strict with my self care so I can be here for my girls. Tank you so much for sharing!

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